I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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