Christians are straight up FREAKS
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
