i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
