That's when you crack a 10am beer
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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