um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
