sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
