HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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