okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
