something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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