I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
