woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize