the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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