I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
