i was born a porn star she said
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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