Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
