So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
