so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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