You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
