apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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