i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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