I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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