A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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