Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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