I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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