I hope mine doesn't look like that
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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