I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
