Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
