yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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