I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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