OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
