I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
