I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
