Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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