there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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