He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dick very happy bro
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize