I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
