Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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