so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize