oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize