My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
