She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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