I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
