she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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