i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
