just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
