there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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