I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
