Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
