I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this boner is exhausting
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
