well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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