Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize