Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
