I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
