I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
