Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
