I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize