i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
