3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
