is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
