I hate your face
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
