Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize