The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
